Demon's Souls Review (PS3)

Okay, c'mon Aesop, you can do it. You've come this far! Well, all I really did was make a blog... And as a matter of fact, Aesop's not even my real name; it's- Crap, people are reading!

Hi, my name is Aesop and as my interesting and hook filled epic of a bio can tell you, I'm an average gamer on a noble quest to become a great and powerful game journalist and bring peace back to my land. So with that in mind and without further ado, please accompany me in my first step on that road (and hope I don't trip).

Very early on in my journey, I had already been met with a simple, yet challenging, obstacle: WHICH GAME SHOULD I REVIEW?! Despite what you might think, this is a difficult choice to make. I mean, your first review is supposed to be sacred and all, but I don't want to tackle anything too big, too quick. Plus, it's the first thing that lets your readers know what kind of gamer you are, and when I thought about that, the answer became as clear as the colorless souls I harvest. Today, I'll be reviewing Demon's Souls.

Now, you may be wondering, "Aesop, or whatever your real name is, you mysterious and dashingly handsome fiend, what is Demon's Souls and why have I never heard of it?" And to that I say, "The same reason you've never heard of Siren: Blood Curse or the Armored Core series: Because it's different." Demon's Souls is an Action-RPG that released back in 2009 as a PS3 exclusive. "2009?! Aesop, I don't wanna hear about some crusty, old game; talk about the new Devil May Cry!" JUST LISTEN, OKAY? When this game released, it didn't sell nearly as much as it should have due to lack of marketing but it instantly became a cult classic. Its medieval beauty and expansive level design were of the highest quality, but the difficulty set it apart from any game that had come before it. As a wise man once put it, "Demon's Souls is HARD AS BALLS. HARD, TUMOROUS BALLS!" The thing is, though, it's not cheap. First off, you have a life bar, but it's immediately cut in half and you can only get it back after you've proved beyond a reasonable doubt that you can do everything without it by killing the area boss. You're probably thinking, "Wow, that does sound hard," but that's the easy part. Next, you have the stamina bar, which is pretty self-explanatory, but for all the other average gamers out there: the bar of stamina drains after almost everything you do, and when it's completely drained you can't do anything until it charges up enough for you to do the imputed command. So now you're like, "Aesop, that doesn't sound worse than the life bar cutting; you're being ridiculous right now," and let me tell you: if you don't level it up properly, you'll be fighting the stamina bar just as much as any enemies you'll encounter. Speaking of leveling up, [earned trophy for: First Mediocre Segway (With many more to come!)] when you defeat enemies you get souls, and these souls are used as both experience AND money. Which means more than once you'll be faced with the choice of either getting that +1 on your vitality stat or adding +1 onto your favorite kickass sword. Now, all this added with the fact that the more you die in an area, the harder it gets (Not a joke; it LITERALLY FEEDS OFF YOUR DEMISE) and you're thinking "I don't wanna play this cheap and hard, tumorous garbage; review that new Metal Gear!" But wait, it's still not cheap or garbage!

The reason it's not cheap is because Demon's Souls has some of the TIGHTEST controls in gaming! Which means anytime you die, it's your fault (Retrospect becomes very unpleasant during this game). As long as you manage your stamina, keep your shield up, and occasionally hit that sweet dodge roll you'll make it through just fine. Ah yes, I can see you now: all suited up in your armor, just raring to go, but we're not done; there's just a few more things you need to know. First of which being that when the fateful moment does come, and you do die, you'll lose all the souls you've worked so damn hard for and the game kicks you right back to the beginning of the level, no matter where you're at; even in the middle of a boss fight. The game does give you a chance to get the souls you lost back though, one solitary chance. If you die, though, that's it; those souls are gone for good and remember: that's twice you died now, so this place is even harder than when you came in!

By now the hardcore crowd is saying, "Ha! A new challenger has entered the ring! This game'll be easy! And if I do get stuck, I can just pause and check GameFa-" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'd begin to laugh as they stare at me queerly. They might ask, "What's so funny?" To which I'd reply in my most stressed Bane voice, "You think Demon's Souls is your ally? I was born in it, Raised in it, MOLDED by it! Why, I didn't know pause menus were until I was a grown man and by then, Dark Souls had already come out!" Again, for all my truly average gamers out there who didn't catch what I was trying to say by butchering that quote, you CANNOT pause in Demon's Souls. No way, no how. Now, you can bring up a menu with the start button that'll let you see your inventory and stats and the like, but the game WILL go on with out you; enemy attacks and all. "NANDATO!?" you'd scream in your M.Bison-esque voice. The reason you can't pause is because of Demon's Souls has online features. Okay, for starters, you're ALWAYS online. You can play the game offline if you sign out of PSN or don't have Internet, but besides that you're constantly online. Now, what happens online you ask? Well... a lot, honestly. First thing you'll notice is that players are able to leave messages from preselected words and phrases to warn you of traps, strong enemies, secrets, etc. The next thing you'll notice are bloodstains that, when activated, show the last 5 or so seconds of a players life, which are there to warn you of what lies ahead. Those are cool, but here's the fun part: for all you kindhearted folk, we have jolly co-operation and for all you trololololos we have Player vs Player. With the co-op, you can put your sign down at any time and have a player summon you. You'll then go to their world and do the area and area boss together. In the end, you return to your world with all the souls you collected and half of your health bar back for helping your little brother beat the big bad monster. Now, for PvP, it's cruder. Where co-op knocks on the door and waits for an answer, PvP kicks in the door and spits on your dog. At any time, you can invade someone's world and begin a duel. If the host wins the duel, the invader loses nothing while the host gains his health back for kicking his little brother's ass and gets whatever souls the invader has and vice-versa.

Okay, so I've sat here and sung Demon's Souls praises for a few paragraphs, but obviously nothing's perfect (but this is damn close). I can think of one problem: Demon's Souls introduced me to terms like "chugging" and "framerate" usually grouped together with the word "issues." Now, the game doesn't always chug, but when it does, it's distracting. It's not game breaking, but it's definitely a problem.

And with that, I guess we can move on to my final thoughts on the game: IT'S FREAKING AMAZING! Listen, I LOVE this game. I think it's one of the best games of this generation and one of the best IPs ever. From how good it looks even by today's standards and just how well it really does play, I could never recommend this game to you enough. It runs for about $20.00 across the board and is WELL WORTH IT!

Well, that just about wraps up the review but I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to read this on behalf of myself and my partner and editor, Brian. Also, on our behalf, I'd like to ask for your feedback. Good or bad, we have to know what our audience wants to read so please leave a comment telling us what you thought. Again, thank you.